On Wednesday March 6th Senator Rand Paul who is a Republican US Senator from Kentucky held the Senate floor for nearly 13 hours to protest the administrations drone program and to hold up the nomination of John Brennan for CIA director. While I admittedly know as much about politics as I do about satisfying a woman I can tell you I was intrigued by this story. I watched the story play out on TV and what really intrigued me was even in professional politics we can't escape "bro" culture. I am not going to debate who I agree with or don't agree with but I can tell you when I commit to something I am all in. When we got 2 feet of snow during Blizzard 2013 and I had to shovel out my 30' of sidewalk and a 6 car driveway it took me about 16 working hours to do it. I worked to the point of exhaustion and hemorrhoids, I have the bloody undies to prove it. There was a job to get done and while it was hard I pushed through (literally) and got it done. In the end I looked at the massive snow piles, my clean driveway and sidewalk and I felt good that I achieved what I set out to do.
During Mr Rands filibuster he allowed his bro's to step in and help him out. He was joined by fellow Republican Senators mostly who asked Sen. Paul many questions which allowed him to enjoy a Milky Way, Senator Ted Cruz jumped in to read Tweets and give him another break. This to me was the true definition of bro's helping bro's and it's not a bad thing, when a bro's blood sugar gets low it's time to read tweets. After about 13 hours Sen. Paul ended the filibuster with a joke about having to go to the bathroom. Later he also later remarked "If I had planned to speak for 13 hours when I took the floor on Wednesday, I would've worn more comfortable shoes". Sen. Mark Rubio also jumped in to quote Wiz Khalifa, Jay Z and The Godfather. I am not sure any of these actions lead to really helping out their party, but A for effort right?
In the end it seemed that everyone involved gave themselves a big pat on the back, quoted some hip hop for street cred and got a lot of free publicity and momentum going into the next election. If I was ever given the opportunity to filibuster I would at least come in prepared to make my point and also go for the record set by Strom Thurmond. I would have consulted with my lesbian friends and borrowed a comfortable and sensible pair of Birkenstocks, I would have strapped on one of those Lisa Rinna approved adult diapers and happily pissed and/or shit my pants as needed. I would have not shut up while spitting out bits of Cliff Bars and Gatorade all over the Senate and I probably would have relied on my Bro's to back me up as well, but I wouldn't leave bitching about my sore feet.
So what should we take away from all this? Is this a man standing up for what he believes in? Maybe. Is this a man standing up for his constituents? Maybe. Is this a Senator puling a stunt queen episode to get a little attention and some publicity? Probably. Should we always consult a lesbian when looking for sensible footwear, absolutely. We should take away that lesbians know about smart footwear thank you Senator Rand.
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