Robski's Fungul of the Week: Conditioning Shampoo

 The Missus and I recently travelled to New York City to see a one night only show of Liza Minnelli and Alan Cumming at Town Hall, I would tell you we were sitting front row however I don't want to come off as a super faggy douche. To you straight guys out there let me explain the importance of this concert it' s essentially the equivalent of Candice Swanepoel sitting on your face, but for the gays.  

We were staying the night so we thought we'd try The Out NYC hotel which is a hotel that caters to the gays and their fag hags. We checked into our nice looking but small room which is expected for NYC and I needed to shower so I walked 2 steps from the bed into the bathroom and looked into the glass and mirrored shower to find a bottle of The Out NYC brand shampoo & conditioner in one! GASP shampoo AND conditioner in ONE BOTTLE... I thought to myself what the fuck are we in Yemen? 

I called through the frosted glass wall of the bathroom for The Missus to come in and confirm this travesty but he couldn't hear me over the dance music blaring from the courtyard. He was also enjoying the amenities they left out for their guests which included Grey Goose Vodka, a bottle of Pinot Noir, mineral water, a can of hangover relief, random snacks that are there to be seen and never eaten all of which are placed in a nice wooden tray next to a condom & lube kit. It was at this moment I confirmed stereotypes exist for a reason. 

I decided to rough it and forced myself to use the shampoo and conditioner in one. As I lathered up I looked over at the glass vessel sink/vanity/closet built into one and thought Robski this is really roughing it, this must be what camping is like. Since it was a low flow efficiency toilet it was kind like shitting in a hole in the woods. I felt like a real outdoorsman at that moment so later I treated myself to a low cal granola bar snack as a reward.

Conditioner and shampoo are two separate things for a reason they serve separate purposes and should be used as such, combining them into one bottle is just cheap and lazy. If I found the equivalent of Pert at a Holiday Inn Express or a Super 8 I would not have been surprised. If I walked in to either of those places to find a dead hooker on the bed I would not be surprised, but at a fag friendly hotel in New York City it's just not acceptable. Admit it when you walk by the jar of Peanut Butter & Jelly in one at the grocery store you give it the old side eye, when you pick up a Grapple or a Pluot in the fruit section at the grocery store you think to yourself what is this unnatural fuckery and the same should apply when you come across a bottle of Shampitioner.  Fungul to you Shampitioner go back to hell where you belong.