French Fries. Somebody needs to explain to me just what in the fuck is going on with all these burger joints and the god damn french fries. I mean honestly, it's like "5 Guys" is spitting in my pasty Irish face when I order them with my tasty burger. Don't they realize my Irish people suffered the great potato famine? Thousands upon thousands of Irish people starved to death because of it. And "5 Guys" is serving you an entire SACK of them with every order. And that's if you remember to order the small. If you fuck up and order the large, they just give you a wheelbarrow full and you walk that over to your table. And if you are picking up an order for a friend? Well fuck. They just have a guy follow you to your car and rig up a shipping container to your car and fill it to the brim with natural cut, bland tasting french fries.
A Small takeout order of fries at "5 Guys"
If all of those dead potato famine victims could see these upscal horsemeat slingers just giving away mountains of french fried perdaders they would rise from their graves and they would "crunchify" the shit out of Bobby Flays fat head**. That jerk is taking the Irish insult to a whole other level. His volume of potato waste knows no match. He starts off the insult by literally giving you a bucket of french fries. A BUCKET! No small. No large. Just the bucket option. An overflowing metal bucket of salty, natural cut death.
At least "5 Guys" pretends to give you the size you order even if they do fill the takeout bag with one of those packing peanut machines that fill boxes at U.P.S. If you are actually finishing your entire order of fries at any of these places, you really need to take a good look at your life. You may be at risk of being a tremendous, tremendous fat ass. Very high risk.
But no. Bobby doesn't even stop there with the potato famine insult brigade. Not only is he french frying the fuck out of billions of potatoes, but he is also "Crunchifying" your burger. If a giant pail of fries isn't quite enough startch, Bobby has more potato for you. He's adding a pile of potato...CHIPS on top of your burger. And giving it a gimmicky name! "Crunchified!"
You hate the Irish? Me too
My god how much potato can one man waste?!?! Jezuz H Christ forget crop diseases that caused the famine, I think the ancesters of Bobby Flay stole all the potatoes in Ireland and sold them to gypsies for a penny on the dollar.
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