The day after St. Patricks Day is a favorite day of mine here in Boston because it's the day I get to see all the Seagulls out in the early morning eating the puke off the sidewalks, but this day after St. Patty's was extra special because Lindsay Lohan provided us the vomit on the sidewalk of her career and I am including Liz & Dick.
The day for me started out slow, coffee sans Bailey's giving the liver a rest after a holiday, Raisin Bran, worked on some projects for my upcoming Etsy adventure, checked out Revenge on DVR and then a good poop. Amazing how the coffee and cereal did nothing but that suppository of a show called Revenge on ABC can push a stool out quicker than a power bottom with a Fleet Enima. I am thankful I was able to clear my old colon because if I didn't the fuckery I was about to witness online would have made me shit myself like my Missus on a taco night.
Reports were all over the internet about how Lindsay Lohan was due in court at 8:30 AM in California. She has already missed one flight from New York, pulled herself off another and in a rock star move got a friend to lend her a private jet. She must have an amazing vagina to get access to private jets at a moments notice, note to self start doing those Kegels again. Long story short, she shows up to court late looking tired and greasy yet somehow better than her attorney who looks like Fonzi's used car salesman cousin and ends up getting a great plea deal. In essence she gets another free pass as long as she goes to rehab, sees a shrink, does a little community service and stays out of trouble.
It was a great train wreck to watch on it's own merit but the real Alexis/Crystal drama took place after court when her lawyer went outside to address the media. This was Attorney Mark Heller's moment to soak up the fame and you could tell he was enjoying the spotlight. He took to the microphones and was patting himself on the back when Lindsay's dad Michael showed up and started ranting at him in tongues. A decent honest man would have defended himself and called out Michael but Heller ran like a Kenyan.
I have to wonder if Lindsay is brilliant or just the luckiest person alive. She was a respected actress making millions but now she's known for being a party girl, getting into fights with people, being a groupie to a boyband, ruining designer clothes and asking Charlie Sheen for money. Sidenote: In the early 2000s I did all of these things and not once did I ever get a private jet, free cars or any court leniency. Long story short she's still making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, clubbing, having a good life and I still have to remain 100 feet away from Lance Bass at all times. Where is the fairness I ask you? Given that there is no great sudsy train wreck drama on TV anymore I say Lindsay is brilliant, she knew her career was over so she found a niche to fill and a way to stay relevant. Make that cash LiLo and bank roll the party lifestyle we wish we could all have.
I read a report this morning that Lindsay told her friends she only chose the rehab plea deal because she was scared of jail. I interpret that as she'll do her 90 days in rehab and we can be prepared for some more Lohantics by the summer.
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